Boy oh Boy!!! This past week has been so exhausting, exhilarating, emotional. As you already know, I started college on September 8th. The day before, I swear I think I nearly lost my mind I was so full on anxiety and anticipation. I barely slept at all and finally just got out of bed around 8am. I don’t know how many times I picked out my outfit, only to change my mind. I finally settled on blue jean shorts, a black t-shirt and some comfy sneakers. I thought I’d burst out crying when my girlfriend dropped me off, but surprisingly I only had good nervous energy.
My first class, Creative Nonfiction, was quite interesting. I love my professor already. He’s strict, but in a good way. He has high expectations of us, but he actually teaches us and the one thing I appreciate the most is the fact that when he corrects you, he does it respectfully and educationally. He never makes us feel like crap for getting things wrong. He gave us homework the first day. An analytical response essay on a paper we read in class. To say I was nervous to write my first paper in six years would be an understatement. But I emailed him the paper the night before it was due (he asked us to do that so he could share in class) and he said I did a nice job. He read my paper and another girl’s paper in class the next day, and when he corrected some of my work, as well as hers, he did it in a way that made me want to be better. I felt like a wide eyed school girl soaking up every piece of information he doled out. I felt like Hermione Granger!
My second class Race and Ethnicity, was also a great class. My professor is a doctor in her field and it shows in her knowledge. She’s funny, and non-conventional, but in the second class I realized how knowledgeable she was and how much I’d actually learn from her. I was alert and ready. One thing that resonated with me the most was when she went around class and compared her skin tone to ours. When she got to me and our arms were outstretched next to one another, we couldn’t see who was darker than who. She’s white and I’m black and that exercise was bonkers. It made me think. I’m looking forward to the rest of that class and am pretty sure it’ll be one of my favorites.
Even though I enjoyed both classes, they exhausted me and filled me with doubt. I’m doing pretty decent mentally and physically right now, but I know bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia are so unpredictable and can be triggered with stress. I’m scared. I want to succeed so badly that I know I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself, but failing is not an option. The winter months are coming and those are the worst times for me. The depression is deep and my body pain goes to another level. Mentally my brain fogs up and I’m more zombie than human. But I’m trying to stay in the present and not focus on what I can’t control. Today, I’m listening to my body and giving it the rest it’s asking for. After yesterday, it definitely deserves it.
Yesterday, me and my girlfriend (Mag) took our niece and her friend to the One Direction concert at Gillette Stadium. We’d never been to a concert before so we didn’t expect the traffic, and sweet baby Jesus was it crazy. A drive that should only have taken an hour and a half ended up being four hours long. And that’s only going TO the damn concert. My niece got out down the street with the rest of the kids going to the concert, and we ended up driving for two hours trying to find a parking spot. We were supposed to go to the movies while the kids were at the concert but since we didn’t factor in the traffic, we thought it would be cutting it too close and decided to walk around. It was Amazing! When we went up the escalators at the cinemas, we never expected to find an outdoor shopping mall. Never-mind being able to actually listen to the concert. It made me and Mag want to go to a concert of our own. That is, until the concert was over and we had to drive home. Good God, we stayed in ONE spot for two hours! The concert was over around 11pm and we didn’t get home until 4am. I had the biggest of migraines, my fibro flared up, and I was scared. The GPS kept trying to reroute us in a direction that was cut off by the cops directing traffic so we ended up going the completely opposite way of where we needed to go. I enjoyed having a new experience with Mag, but I didn’t enjoy the struggle. We probably will go to a concert together, but no time soon! She had to work at 9am so I felt really bad for her. We completely and utterly took over the mantle of best aunts in the world, lmao.
Anyways, that was my week and hopefully I didn’t bore you to death. I haven’t been able to read anything besides school work so I’m sorry I’m not able to post a review. I’m trying to get this school thing down and get my bearing before I start writing reviews. It’s a matter of balance and organization. Just bear with me for now please.
Love and gentle hugs,
ps. I’m sure there are a few mistakes in this post, but my brain is fried and it’s hard thinking/writing coherently. Let me know if there’s anything you don’t understand or anything I need to fix. Thanks!!!